I'd Rather Die Than Go on Sick Leave With Stress

Author: Majken Lorelei Matzau

"I'd rather die than go on sick leave with stress."

That was how a CEO of a large international group recently opened our conversation, when he came to me for an executive process.

The reason he came was that for several years he had been under massive pressure. From his board, from the company's shareholders, and not least from his own executive team, where there had been numerous replacements, power struggles, and internal conflicts.

When he stepped in some years earlier, it was to lead a turnaround in a company in serious trouble. He has taken on this role many times, and he is known in the market as a tough operator — but also as an outstanding problem solver.

Behind the scenes, however, things looked different. Over the previous two years he had experienced escalating stress symptoms — symptoms that must be described as quite severe.

The CEO without a memory

Heart palpitations, a constant knot in the stomach, and insomnia were everyday life for this man, who at the age of fifty-two was otherwise an experienced CEO capable of handling most things. His memory was virtually non-existent. He told me that he could remember almost nothing.

When he met people in the executive corridor, he could not remember who they were. When he was going into a meeting, he could not remember the agenda, or what had led up to the meeting. Nor could he remember what he was supposed to be doing, or where he was supposed to show up. Often he would sit in the car having forgotten where he was headed.

"How can you carry out your role and your leadership — when you can't tell one employee from another?" I asked, speechless. I have seen a great deal over the years — but this took the prize. For two full years, in his role as CEO, he had been functioning with essentially no memory.

"Well, I write yellow notes," he explained. Yellow physical notes, memos, to-do lists, apps with memory functions. The list of aids to compensate for his failing memory was long. "And when I'm completely blank, I improvise until I've recognized the person," he continued.

You would think that losing your memory would be a wake-up call for a man who normally had a photographic one. But his intense loyalty to his mission came before everything else.

And so he lived like a commander constantly at war — without tending to his battle wounds.

This can of course only be sustained until something breaks. And something was breaking for this leader, who incidentally also had difficulties in his marriage as a result of his absence.

Can senior leaders get stressed?

For virtually every senior leader I have worked with over the years, stress is an enormous taboo. Stress can be discussed within the company and among leaders all the way up to executive level — but not at CEO level. It is built into the role that a genuine stress reaction is not an option, even though the CEO position is naturally one of the most demanding roles that exists.

Senior leaders face enormous demands and expectations in their daily work. They must balance strategic decisions, financial responsibility, leadership responsibility, and a high degree of visibility both internally and externally.

My experience is that what stresses senior leaders — beyond any difficulties in marriage and family life — is:

Whistleblower schemes

Over the past two years, I have received a wealth of enquiries from senior leaders who have found themselves in trouble, or in a storm of criticism, following reports through whistleblower schemes.

Outwardly, a leader must handle situations like these with calm composure, but inwardly it is experienced as having the rug pulled out from under you, losing your foundation — with stress, uncertainty, and emotional chaos as the result. The feeling of being stabbed in the back and betrayed by your own is always a companion to these situations.

Mergers, sales, or generational handovers

Mergers, acquisitions, company sales, and generational handovers are part of the work of senior leadership, but they often bring uncertainty and increased pressure on the leader to create success during unstable periods. Generational handovers in family businesses in particular can be psychologically very difficult to navigate. This type of enquiry has also escalated in recent years.

Conflicts and legal cases

Acquisitions that go wrong, contracts that collapse, partnerships that explode, and every type of conflict of course stress senior leaders just as they stress everyone else. But because the responsibility and the impact are greater, the conflicts and their effect on the individual leader's nervous system become correspondingly greater.

This is amplified when senior leaders are drawn into legal proceedings, which is often also the basis for enquiries about help and advice.

High expectations and responsibility

Senior leaders carry the ultimate responsibility for the company's success or failure. This constant weight can lead to performance anxiety and fear of failure, which can become extremely burdensome when facing uncertainty, headwinds, or recession in the business.

Decision fatigue

Senior leaders make a large number of critical decisions every day. This constant decision-making can lead to mental exhaustion and a reduced capacity to make effective choices.

Social pressure

Senior leaders are expected to be visible both internally and externally. This can be a considerable challenge, particularly for introverted leaders, and it is something I often help with in executive processes. But even for extroverted leaders, the social pressure can become too much. I currently have a CEO of a large listed group in a process with me who, in the month of December, attended no fewer than sixteen Christmas parties. And it should be emphasized here that he was already under maximum pressure.

Isolation

The higher you are in the hierarchy, the more isolated you often become. Senior leaders generally have no peers with whom to share concerns and challenges, which can lead to loneliness and stress. This is amplified when the marriage falls apart.

Work pressure and lack of work-life balance

Most senior leaders work a great deal. This applies to leaders in both private and public organizations. Many long working days often leave very little time for recovery and simultaneously take over private life, which affects the relationship with spouse and children, and reinforces the feeling of not being enough.

Stress in senior leadership is costly

It can become expensive — very expensive — for a company if no one notices that the CEO is burning out. In many companies, no one challenges the leader — not even within their own executive team.

I once had a female CEO in a process where the company only came to me after things had gone completely wrong. Everyone had known that the leader was under great pressure, but she consistently dismissed the tentative signals from her executive team and fought grimly on. And because our cognitive functions (memory, as mentioned above — but also decision-making, thinking, and concentration) deteriorate under prolonged stress, this leader ended up making a fatal error that cost the company many, many millions.

It should also be noted that a stressed senior leadership infects the entire organization from the top down. And that is when it becomes truly expensive in the long run, with increased sick leave, employee turnover, and low wellbeing throughout the organization.

Who helps the CEO?

It is of course the board's task to challenge the CEO and safeguard the organization's continued leadership, but it is by no means customary to discuss the leader's mental state in confidence at board meetings. The focus is on results, and board meetings are usually formal and relatively standardized.

That is why it is so important to build a solid support system around the company's most senior leader. This takes the form of networks and professional advisors, but also a conscious effort to build a closely connected, professional executive team, along with a trusting collaboration with the board — and here, the relationship with the chair in particular is decisive.

I have helped many senior leaders through my executive processes who found themselves in difficult relationships with their board chair — and it rarely goes well if a confidential and professional collaboration, built on trust and respect, is not established.

The leader described in this article, the one who had lost his memory, was not prepared to go on sick leave. As a rule, it is also an impossible task to put a CEO on sick leave — and so other solutions must be found.

Over a long period we therefore worked partly on building better relationships — particularly with the board and within his own executive team — and alongside this we worked intensively on reducing the volume of commitments, of which he had many. We also worked on his leadership and his organization, and step by step we created clarity around roles, tasks, and responsibilities within the company's leadership.

In parallel, I taught the leader to understand how his mind and his nervous system function. We focused on his sleep, he learned mental training techniques and was given meditation exercises, and we created spaces for recovery as far as was possible. Over time we reduced his internal state of tension, so that his memory could return — and not least, so that he could save his faltering marriage.

Concluding advice for the senior leader

Stress among senior leaders is a serious challenge that can have major consequences, both for the individual and for the company. By identifying stress factors and taking proactive steps to address them, leaders can not only improve their own wellbeing, but also strengthen both their own performance and that of the business.

Executive coaching, healthy habits, and a strong base of support are key to maintaining mental balance and securing lasting success in the role:

Close collaboration within the executive team and the board

The more secure and solid the base — in the form of close collaboration within the executive team and with the board — the greater the resilience in the CEO position. A conscious effort to develop the leadership team and the relationship with the board can work wonders here.

Executive coaching

A professional executive coach can help senior leaders both through advice and sparring on their leadership, collaboration, and organization, and also through help, support, and guidance on private crises such as marital difficulties, health challenges, and more.

Physical and mental health

Regular exercise, mindfulness, and meditation can play an important role in reducing stress and optimizing cognitive function, rather than wearing it down.

A strong support network

It is essential to have trusted conversation partners within your leadership network, who can among other things help alleviate feelings of isolation.

Focus on work-life balance

Senior leaders often need help getting a grip on their work-life balance, building in periods of recovery, as well as time for marriage and family life.

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